Living Next Door To Gladys

"Living Next Door To Alice" - Smokie


TV said “We just got the word
In the 400 block of Third – malfeasance”
Well I pushed up the window
Then I booked outside
Helicopter I perceived in sky
As a big-ass SWAT team rolled up
Into Gladys’ drive

Oh, I am so disbelieving
My prayer’s been answered, though
Embezzle? Murder? Treason?
Gosh, I’d really love to know
'Cus for twenty-four years
I've been suff-rin’ next door to Gladys

Grabbing for beers while listening to her rants
That aliens revealed my tabby cat dug up her plants
And the rats I’ve caught, huge, I spot thriving next door with Gladys

Shih Tzu she has tethered
All night it does bark
Foul verses she whistles
Gardening, stark
Nekkid, Gladys

Now she walks through the door
With her hands held high
News asks for comment; avert my eye
As a big media scene mulled slowly
Around Gladys’ dive

Oh I guess I should be grieving
But glad she’s gonna go
Won’t miss her epic sneezin’
Fits from darkened patio
‘Cus there’s plenty more fears
I got living next door to Gladys

Twenty-four years just wishing for a fence
To see her at the wheel and back her Dart into my Benz
Now there’s nada of use to me living next door to Gladys

No folly she lacked; a pox where I dwelt
Two score four: alone in in this hell - with hov’rin’ Gladys
I’m glad: Now Gladys is gone; I’ll shed no tears
You know I've been wond’ring many long years
Where my veranda swing disappeared...

I won’t drop by to see her
Ensnared in prison, though
Or take a cake I baked to
her, and make her feel good, no
'Cus for twenty-four years
I have really abhorred dear Gladys

Twenty-four years too late now for recants
Relieved is how I feel, no longer need to look askance
And at last I’ll get used to not living next door to Gladys...

No, I never got used to existence next door to Gladys...


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